What if there is nothing wrong with you? 

Feeling overwhelmed, lost, afraid, hurt, anguished, confused, sad? That there is no safe place to go? No place where you feel like you belong? Nothing you do can make your pain and grief go away completely? Do you wish you felt happy, supported and pain free instead? Have you tried to escape suffering but it just won't go away? Check your pulse? Are you breathing? Good. You are in a physical body having a human experience.

Why is this happening to me? 

When you've been on the healing path for many years, there seems to be an expectation that these feeling will go away, decrease in intensity, disappear or be forever vanquished. Yet the reality is that we meet these feeling states and places again and again. Have you heard yourself say "I thought I dealt with that issue, why is it coming up again? Is there something wrong with me?" Every person who has come to me for a session says this. That's a very strong recurring theme.  

Avoiding Pain  

This doesn't mean you haven't "done your work" or didn't do it well enough or you did it wrong. There is nothing wrong with any of these painful feelings. To expect that you should be completely recovered from these feelings, never feel them again and live exclusively in peace is to disavow and exile vast territories of your own human experience. We can live our entire lives doing everything available to avoid feeling the deeper longing at the heart of humanity and at the very core of our Being. The more we avoid and hide these experiences deeper into shadow, the more dreadful and bigger they become. These dark, shadowy places within us are vast resources of wisdom and reservoirs of healing, transformation and compassion.

Feel Yourself Unraveling  

So, feel more deeply. Let these feelings crack an opening for you to enter a deeper sacred place. Allow yourself to unravel. Do not turn away from what you fear the most. Do not turn a blind eye to your own suffering. Turn again and again, as a spiral turns, as your DNA spirals. The very code and structure at the core of your physicalness, your cells, the whole way your form and every gesture you make is a spiral. When you return and revisit and old part of yourself or some personal or collective memory, you are actually in a different position on the spiral of your being. You are not stuck exactly in the same spot. You are ever changing - perhaps slow and imperceptible to yourself. However you are viewing and experiencing the apparent same things from a different perspective.

Your DNA is Recoding 

Think of a spiral so tightly compressed and narrow that it appears as a straight line. Look deeper, look closer. There is space inside even the most tightly coiled spiral. Our instinct it to protect ourselves from harm, so we contract like a tightly coiled spiral, ready to defend, ready to flee or pull in so tight we nearly disappear. We feel this compressed state in our bodies as tension, numbness, stiffness and habitual holding patterns. It is these tight and twisted spirals of our very beingness and our DNA that are in the process of unraveling and uncoiling as part of the massive shift and change we are in the midst of. It feels very intense to be going through this while in a physical human body.

Re-Orient Your Self to Change  

How do we navigate and live with this uncomfortable constant change happening on all levels of life? Surrender to the bigger mystery of creation spiraling and unspiraling. There is nothing you can do to control or stop it.

Compassion is your ally.

Longing is your most faithful companion.

The unknown is more trustworthy than anything you have ever known.

Re-orient yourself to the deeper truth opening up the tightly coiled and stored memory of who you are. Remember this : universes you are.

)) Open Your Heart Wings ((

How comfortable are you with the presence of the unseen or unknown? When facing change or encountering something unknown, often our first impulse is to contract and brace ourselves in fear. It can feel like you are alone in a dark frightening place. You may feel overwhelmed, freeze up in a little ball and hide under cover or go into action warrior mode and try to control or overpower the unknown force. In a contracted state, our perception is limited and we lose sight of the bigger picture. Change, the unknown, unseen and mysterious are ever present and you can choose to respond from a contracted or expanded state.

So how do you override the old survival instinct and be open and expanded in the face of the unknown? Turn on your light. You have a flashlight. Not in your hand, in your heart. Your inner luminosity.

This unknown place or situation, that at first can seem dark and dangerous, will gradually reveal itself to you when you soften and expand. Breath into your heart space and unfold your heart wings. Yes, you do have wings! Expand them. Open your arms, open hands. When you open your wings, the luminous doorway in your heart is revealed. Open this luminous door a little wider so more light can shine through and illuminate your first step. Then move forward. The path will reveal itself to you only when you trust and take a step. Gradually you will sense a new ground is beneath your feet, holding your every step, inspiring you and encouraging you.

As your perception expands, you will see that you are not travelling alone. Other luminous beings are here too. Share your light with your fellow travellers and the way will become much brighter and clearer for all.

We are all being asked to all forth the unique expression of light we arrived here to shine. Even if you don’t know what gift you hold inside you, begin by making a gesture of offering. Open your hands, your arms, stretch out your heart wings. You may even remember how to fly.

What is the Akashic Field?

The akashic field is a vast cosmic living breathing interactive database. The word “akasha” is a Sanskrit word for the element of space, literally the subtle, ethereal plasma-like substance that is and within all things. It holds memory imprints of individual souls, collective consciousness, all kinds of life forms, races, beings, planets, galaxies and beyond. It also holds blueprints, creation codes and programming for the holographic projections that we experience as matter and much more. It wants you to wake up and play in and with it! It wants you to remember that you are always interacting with it! You interface with the akashic field via your physical biology as a transmitter/receiver of frequency (waves carrying information). For most people, this is unconscious and habitual and the same memory files are accessed over and over again creating rigid patterns and pathways. The Akashic Field is vast and we only access a few small, selective parts of it.

Why don’t we always access the greater Akashic Field?

Because it would reveal that most of your beliefs and structures of identity are not actually solid or true and that feels very uncomfortable. Information in the Akashic Field challenges your current, habituated, limited perception of “reality”.  Your ego will freak out, may believe it is being assassinated and put up a stubborn wall of resistance! Are you ready, willing and able to change and embrace the ever shape shifting dynamic dance of creation expressing in form?

Where is it located?

You are the akashic field! It is in all the space in and around you. You are 99% space – akasha. It isn’t locked up in a vault under a pyramid or quarantined off planet or inaccessible to you. All you need to do is alter your perception to become consciously aware of it. Some say this is where creative inspiration comes from.

Is there scientific proof that it exists?

Check out what cutting edge quantum science and theories on the holographic universe have to say to satisfy your left brain inquiry. The book Science and the Akashic Field: An Integral Theory of Everything by scientist and philosopher Ervin Laszlo has some very compelling ideas!

What are Soul Records?

These are the collected experiences of your soul’s journey stored as imprints. It is helpful to review your life experiences while you are still in a physical body and make new choices here and now. It is a great way to assist in shifting human consciousness and begin to create the vision of the world you most deeply long for.

May 2013
What if your ego structure was a software program?

Are you ready to shift your habitual way of perceiving yourself and the world? We have many levels of identity, though it seems most of the human race has its default settings to overly identify with only one level – an out dated and distorted ego structure. Try imagining your ego structure as a software program like something you might use on your computer everyday such as a web browser. When you are using the program do you believe that you are the program? Probably not! You are likely aware that you are interacting with a software program which is connecting you with information sources. See the human ego structure as a software program and you are the user of that program. It is not you! Take a big step back and get your head out of the computer! This corrupted old and cumbersome program may be running your life, but I don’t believe that is truly its purpose. 

Viewing the Ego as a Software Program

Imagine the ego structure as a survival software program created to allow spiritual beings to experience the manifest domains of creation. As a spiritual being in a physical body, the senses are your ground level navigation system to make sure you don’t inadvertently injure your body while being absorbed in the more subtle dimensions of spiritual consciousness. The ego program was not meant to process and handle every life decision. It was designed to ensure your physical safety and survival. However when it interfaces with the emotional and mental bodies things run amok. It’s like a virus has infected the original blueprint of the human ego program. Communication pathways got crossed or disconnected and files got misplaced or deleted. Think of when your computer gets infected with a virus, it will not function in the useful way it was designed to do. Now, look at the current state of human affairs as the result of a virus infected ego software program gone wild with chaotic mutations and that’s one way of explaining the many predicaments we are currently facing.

The emotions and lower levels of mind are part of this sensory software program that receive, organize and store data input from your environment. They also transmit responses via the physical and etheric nervous systems or energy channels that indicate what actions to make. You may not have ever considered your emotions and mind as part of your ego structure, however it is in these areas where this software program breaks down and many of our problems arise. Yoga philosophy provides some very useful maps for understanding how the components of this program operate. 

Your Wisdom Self

The doorway to your internal central processing unit is through the higher mind. In yoga philosophy this is call “buddhi” or buddha mind, that aspect which has the higher faculty of discrimination. From here you can access other levels of identity which can be called the Higher Self, Wisdom Self or Buddha nature. This is the place from which wise guidance, clear insight and truly effective action arise. This is the part of yourself that can process massive amounts of information rapidly whereas the ego gets overwhelmed, stressed out and short circuits. It is essential to learn how to access these higher levels of yourself to make new choices and co-create positive change in the world.

Reset Your Internal Default Settings

So, how can you reset your internal default settings to access your Wisdom Self identity level rather than your distorted ego program? Try imagining you are part of a technical support team running diagnostic tests, research and virus scans to find out the best way to clean, repair, restore and upgrade this outdated human survival program. Examine it with detached engagement, that is, with the knowledge that you are not that program, however you are at the same time interacting with it from a neutral stance. Shift out of identifying with the ego program on a personal level. Disengage from the endless thought and emotion trigger responses that keep you trapped in endless loops of all the things that you like or dislike about yourself. Observe and witness with detached compassion all the suffering that this ego program creates. Gradually withdraw your attention from it. Most meditation practices provide this wise and time tested advice. Take time for meditation practice. Throughout your day, practice shifting your attention and point of perception to your Wisdom Self.

Request Technical Support

And if you want to have some fun playing further with computer programming concepts, try requesting help from the multi-dimensional technical support teams now available to assist us! I see some of our rapid advances in technology as a reflection of the transformation in human consciousness. Recently in the individual session work I do, I’ve been seeing “zip files” floating in people’s energy fields. If you’ve had a session with me recently you probably experienced some “technical” processes similar to downloading, installing and running upgrades for your old ego software. What I have been witnessing is that these “upgrades” allow us to accept changes in consciousness, integrate more subtle bands of frequency and access higher levels of identity more easily. This can really help you to perceive that you have new choices available to you right now. Imagine how different the world could be if many people choose to upgrade the old human operating system and chose to respond and interact as their Wisdom Selves. Are you willing to make that shift today?

ecember 2012

Here we are, a few days before December 21, 2012. So much has been foretold, spoken and written about this time. How much of it is true? What will happen? I've been making time to be still, quietly reflect and tune into the shifts we are in the midst of. I’ve noticed that insights come when I trust myself, my connection with Source and listen to the wise voice of inner knowingness.

When I trust and listen, I feel that I am here at this time because I know something about this shift that can assist in the process. I am also here because I don’t know what will happen and I’m willing to learn and experience. What feels true to me is that everyone knows something about this time, everyone holds an important piece of the bigger story and a vision of the future.

Make time to be still this solstice. Listen to the earth. Listen to your inner wisdom and see your visions unfolding. Feel the wonder and magic of the luminous dark and celebrate.

Waiting in Readiness

Come into your heart and breath softly. Here you are, in this moment, alive and breathing, standing at the turning point. You have survived much adversity, separation, loss, and you have gained much wisdom, more than you know. You chose to be here, December 21, 2012, planet earth. It may have felt like eons to arrive here and you have finally made it. Take a deep breath. Welcome home.

Settle into your heart.  Listen to your own inner rhythm. Feel it shifting to beat in time with the planetary body, shifting to beat in time with the pulse of the galaxy, expanding to resonate with the great cycles of the cosmos. Listen deeply

What do you hear? What do you know? What is it that has warmed you from the inside when all has been dark and cold around you? What wisdom have you been keeping safe within you?

You, Wisdom Keeper, Watcher,  Star Seed, Ancient One, you who have been waiting until it is time. Waiting for the great turning. Watching the great cycle slowly moving away from you and back again. And it has returned.

Now is the time you have been waiting for. Savour the fullness of this moment, this final moment of waiting for that which you have yearned. Here, inside the moment of stillness at the completion of a great long exhale and the beginning of a new breath.

Sense the movements, the new currents of energy streaming in. Touch the presence of oneness within you, all around you. Feel the cosmic winds blowing now upon your face, like a warm, fragrant breeze, a dream of spring soon arriving.

What wisdom is pushing inside you like a seed ready to sprout? What wisdom is preparing to open, expand and radiate through you?

Many are waking, remembering, gathering the many selves together again. Now is the time your wisdom is needed. Now is the time for sharing your stories, all you have seen, all you know to be true as you have lived it. Now is the time to speak. Now is the time to be heard. Now is the time for much healing, rejoicing, and celebration.

Come into your heart, breath softly.

You are here.

August 2012
Recognizing the Signs of Spiritual Expansion & Dragonfly Wisdom

There are times when we are undergoing a transformation, shifting from one state of being to another. If we don’t recognize the signs that the process of spiritual expansion is underway, we can feel very confused, upset, depressed, agitated and frustrated. We can even feel as if we are dying.

I felt an incessant and unsettling pressure within me that, try as I might, I could not quell. My body ached, my emotions amplified, my extra-sensory perception heightened. I looked around me and things which were comforting and had been guides, anchors and sign posts on my spiritual journey, no long held meaning. I felt like huge swaths of the fabric of my being were unraveling and many patches had worn dangerously thin. I just wanted to curl up in a little ball, retreat to a quiet place and go to sleep until this feeling had passed. Just then, a quiet inner voice calmly said, ‘Catherine, you are going through a spiritual expansion, it is a very natural cycle of growth. Don’t worry, you know exactly what to do.” My conscious ego mind said “ NO! I don’t know what to do! I don’t want to grow. Make it stop! This is freaking me out!” After throwing a tantrum like a two year old whose favourite toy has been taken away, I managed to remember I am an adult and do have a few spiritual tools I could use. When I finally calmed down I was able to listen inward again and I heard “Okay, we’ll send you a helper. And by the way, you may want to go to the waters by the ancient rocks.” Great, cryptic advice as usual. Why does my inner guidance never tell me exactly, step by step, what to do? (Perhaps my higher levels enjoy a good laugh as they watch me tie myself up in worry knots.) So with that tidbit of guidance, I took the next step on my journey.

Inner Listening

I gave notice at my lovely ocean view apartment, began sorting through my belongs, letting go of things that no longer held meaning and storing only items that would be useful. I did not know where I was moving to and had to take a stance of radical trust, that in divine timing I would know. It is hugely uncomfortable to not know. To ease my rising worries and anxieties, I simply asked to know my next step.  Eventually an answer always became clear. It wasn’t necessarily the answer I wanted and I really wanted to know at least what my next ten steps ahead would be. But, no, I had to be present with one little step at a time and trust that my higher level selves were holding the bigger map and navigational tools. My job was to clearly listen to directions and act upon them. Humbling indeed!

Accelerated Growth

My homing instinct directed me back to the location on the planet where I birthed in. I had a sense it was time to reclaim some lost, hidden and forgotten parts of myself, review my roots and origins, go back to the source of my beginning and press the reset button. An invitation to stay with a friend in Toronto for a month came and I accepted. So I stored my belongings, packed a few bags and flew east. I arrived in March during an unseasonable heat wave that heralded the beginning of a long unfolding spring. I walked daily, observing the changes of the season around me. The speed at which the flowers and leaves unfurled, soothed me as I felt the same fast pace of growth stirring within me. Sometimes I felt very energized and other times I was so exhausted I had to lie down and have long naps. I went into deep altered states and felt my physical body as well as my etheric and spirit bodies literally transmuting density, reconfiguring, becoming lighter. Something wonderful was happening, however I also felt anxious, nervous and disoriented. Seeking a more peaceful place in my 3d reality, I decided to go to my family cottage in Muskoka.

Dragonfly Appears

As I lay on the warm granite rock shoreline of the river at the cottage, wondering what my next step would be, I saw the most amazing thing – a dragonfly emerging from its larva shell. If you have never witnessed this transformation for yourself, check out this video link Dragonfly Emerging. It is extraordinary to witness a thick bodied underwater bug become a sleek winged dragonfly. After living underwater for several years, the water bug crawls out of the water and clings to a reed or rock on the shore. A seam opens in the back of its shell and the dragonfly slowly pulls it new body out head first. Once out of the shell, its folded wings begin to open and its body elongates and changes colour. The whole process takes several hours, during which time the dragonfly is very vulnerable and a strong wind, big wave or hungry bird can quickly end this magical transformation.

Dragonfly Wisdom: Divine Timing

I realized this dragonfly was the helper I had been promised would come and had in fact, always been with me. I had witnessed the dragonfly transformation many times before. Once one climbed on my arm and I had to lay still for hours while it completed its transformation. Since that time I felt a special connection with these amazing beings. The dragonfly follows divine timing. The water bug knows it is time for transformation and emerges from the water. It likely doesn’t sit at the bottom of the pond analyzing why life underwater seems so dull and lacking in meaning and complaining that its skin feels too small and tight. If the dragonfly resisted its impulse of transformation, it would interrupt its natural life cycle and die. It acts upon its natural urge to crawl out of the water, find a safe place and hang on for dear life while its body heaves, expands, its skins breaks open and a new body emerges. If our bodies went through such a dramatic change, we would surely take notice! Imagine taking a leave of absence from work because wings are starting to grow out your back.

Spiritual Expansion and Contraction

As I watched the dragonfly I understood that crawling out of an old shell takes effort, determination, resolve and it is uncomfortable and awkward at times. That shell needed to be strong. It protected the delicate formation of wings and was well designed to catch and eat lots of food to fuel the process of transformation. It has served its purpose well. The larva stage is a necessary step in becoming a dragonfly. It can’t be skipped. I understood I too was in the midst of shedding an old shell that felt tight, limited and restrictive. One of the sure signs of expansion is this intense sensation of contraction. The Dragonfly showed me how to be grateful for what got me to this stage. Shedding an old shell may feel strange and the timing may not be convenient, but don’t turn this opportunity for spiritual expansion away nor stifle or thwart a natural process of change.

Know What Stage You Are In

Does a dragonfly rush out of its shell and expect to be able to fly its wings have expanded? I’m sure it doesn’t. I, however, have been very impatient and unaccepting of where I am in the spiritual transformation process. I felt restless, irritated, like I should be doing something but didn’t have the energy or know what it is I should do. I judged myself, felt crazy, depressed, cranky, resentful, empty, and just plain tired of life. Worry and anxiety ran rampant. I still feel this way at times and probably will continue to. What I have learned is the worst thing I can do at these times is judge or label myself or expect to feel any different than I do. I feel much better when I am honest with how I am feeling, stop resisting, accept where I am and be enormously kind and compassionate towards myself. I’m learning to be at peace with the fact that I am constantly shifting and changing. Now is the time to get comfortable with accelerated change even when it feels like it is taking forever to happen. When I stopped feeling so grumpy, I noticed that I’m not the only person on the planet going through this, in fact the whole planet and galaxy are undergoing a massive expansion cycle.  I feel comforted knowing I am a part of a much larger cycle of change.

Transmutation, Transfiguration, Ascension

During the summer I began to be able to feel myself in multiple dimensions and reality fields, some which were incredibly peaceful and healing. I actually felt like my spirit body emerged out of density and into a very fluid form, almost as if I have spirit wings. It is the most deliciously joyful feeling. I imagine myself being able to move easily through dimensions, just a dragonfly can move and see in full 360 degrees. Within the community of lightworkers this is often referred to as ascension, raising your frequency or spiritual evolution. We are actually going through the process of the re-spiritualization of matter. The ancient vedic and yogic teachings refer very specifically to this process as inner purification or antarshuddhi. Literally transmuting dense, unconscious matter and refining it through alchemy/spiritual metaphysics. This is not a theory, this is very much a real embodied process of transfiguration, literally shifting our molecules from one form to another. This is spiritual awakening on a cellular level.

When I witness the dragonfly’s transformation I am in a state of awe and wonder. I feel expanded. Perhaps these insects are actually highly evolved conscious beings here to show us what is possible and remind us that shedding one state for another is natural. May we all transform and expand with the grace and wisdom of the dragonfly.

(And if I really do sprout wings, you will be the first to know!)

To hold

is to be held.

To hold well,

the heart

must soften,

soften and expand

bigger and wider

than you

ever imagined

was possible.


Heart scars

that once contracted,


the eternal spaciousness

of love’s

ever present embrace,


as soon as

this moment.


Open your arms


to some precious presence.

Offer your whole


as a sacred place

of holding.


You are always held.

~ cm


Voice of the Wisdom Self:

“I see you, all of you, your dark and your light. I embrace all of you, the wholeness that you ever were, always are, ever shall be. Welcome home beloved. Shed the skin of the exile that you have worn, for it has become too small, too thread bare to cloth the magnificence that you are. Stand now in the dignity, integrity and sovereignty that is the birthright of the eternally star born.”


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